In class, we discussed the four horsemen: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Criticism is basically when someone attacks the other person. In other words, it is giving an insult. Defensiveness is when one person makes excuses for his/her actions. Contempt is kind of like attacking the other person but in more of harsh tone. Some actions that are classified as contempt are sarcasm or mocking the other person. The final horseman is stonewalling. This when one person purposely does not respond to the fight and acts like nothing is wrong. One time I went to the bar with my boyfriend. I wanted a drink, but it was overly crowded by the bartender, and I was lazy. I asked my boyfriend if he could get me a drink. He responded with “you’re capable of getting it yourself.” (This is a typical response for him. He was raised that if he wanted something, he needs to get it himself). I didn’t feel like dealing with the crowd. So, I responded “fine”, and just stood there.  Everyone knows that I wasn’t fine though. Since I remained silent, I was exhibiting the horsemen of stonewalling. 

My boyfriend and I do not tend to fight all that often. We’re both easy going and things tend not to bug us all that often. When we do fight though it tends to be over stupid things. The horseman of stonewalling seems to always pop up when I’m mad at my boyfriend. I remember one time my boyfriend critised me for being a little harsh. Of course, I remained silent and did not say anything. He tried to cheer me up, but I didn’t want to say anything. Whenever I act like this, he always says “Fine, be a bitter berry.” That comment always seems to make me more angry. Though, after about a half hour later, I always seem to realize how childish I was acting and apologize to him.