In class we discussed the differences between intimacy and sex. We described intimacy as having this special connection. This special connection can be you sharing details with your doctor or someone you trust. Sex on the other hand can be described as physically having intercourse. These definitions change depending on the person; it is self defined.

When I think of sex, I think of those cheesy movies where the girl and the guy fall in love with each. It's like love at first sight. Their first time having sex with each other is in a romantic setting with candles and rose petals. They instantly have this connection and attraction. So in my head, this is how I always thought my first time would be. Okay...to be real, I knew it probably wasn't going to be up to that standards, but I could dream, right!? My freshman year of college, I was crazy about this boy. The moment I saw him, I thought he was super sexy. He had this longish/skater hair, blue eyes, and a beautiful tan. In the back of my mind I wanted to end up him. As I went on other dates with a couple of other guys, I still had that same dude in the back of my head. Long story short I went on a movie date with him the second semester of my freshman year. After the film, he asked if I wanted to hook up. I honestly got the wrong impression of the guy. By asking me that on our first date, I thought he was just using me. After getting to know him a little bit more, it turns out, he just wanted to lose his virginity. I REALLY wanted to be in a relationship, so I agreed to lose it to him (thinking something would come of it). Part of me was also curious about this new exploration. So I agreed to have sex with him the last week of freshman year. Afterwards, I was honestly heart broken because the following semester I planned on doing an internship in New Jersey. After long debates, though I knew I couldn't get this guy out of my head. I couldn't go another 9 months without seeing if I could make it work with him. So, I declined my internship and went back to Stout for the fall semester.

 After a month into my sophomore year, that same boy asked me to be his girlfriend! We've been dating for 2.5 years now, and I couldn't be happier. Let me just say though that there is a difference between intimacy and love. That first time we had sex was merely just to pleasure ourselves, but now having sex allows us to connect with each other in a whole different way. I trust him and he trusts me.

Typically, early attachment styles as a child "transfers" to adulthood. Looking back at my childhood I had distress upon separation with my parents and viewed the world as a safe place to be. One can conclude that I had a secure attachment style when I was young. Based on class lectures of childhood and adult attachment styles, one can then conclude that my adult attachment style would also be secure. This is not the case for me though.

I started off as a shy girl, not really knowing anything about love. I wanted intimacy but was also self-conscious about it being it was something I never experienced before. Because of this desire to feel intimate but also afraid, one could say that I had a level of fearful avoidant. Another characteristic that I possessed of having an attachment style of fearful avoidant was never sharing my true feelings. I used to brush it off my shoulder because I was afraid of starting a fight. Now-a-days though, I let my boyfriend know when he did something wrong or something that bothered me. If it's something small though like me being disappointed that he won't fetch me a glass of water, I tend to just let it go. I find it pointless to argue at something so ridiculous because the next day, that glass of water doesn't bother me anymore.

However, now I would describe my adult attachment style as secure as opposed to fearful avoidant. I find it easy to show when I'm stressed or to tell him how much I deeply love him. While I love spending time with him, I'm not afraid to just chill by myself while he does his own thing. I'm confident in myself, and also have a positive view of others. It has not always been this way though.

I guess the point I am trying to make is I can see where childhood attachment styles are related to adult attachment styles. Though, I will argue that as you progress through a relationship, your attachment style changes, merely because you grow more comfortable.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2.5 years. We met our freshman year of college and started dating the beginning of our sophomore year. He is the person that I had in mind when I took the Lee's Love Style quiz. I scored high in the love styles of Agape, Eros, Mania, and Pragma. The one that dominated the most though was Agape. This does not surprise me being that Agape love style pertains to someone that is very giving. From the very beginning of our relationship, I always wanted to do little things for my boyfriend. I tended to surprise him with little treats in the beginning of our relationship. One random night I showed up in his dorm with a pack of four mini blue moon ice cream pack (his favorite flavor of ice cream). When he was stressed with finals I surprised him with a half dozen box of donuts and a cappuccino. Now, I tend to do little "tasks" for him. We'll be trying to fall asleep and he'll be thirsty. If it was any other person, I would be selfish and not get out of bed to grab a glass of water. For some reason though, it doesn't bother me. I guess it has something to do with the level of love I have for him; I'd do anything for him.

If I had to guess, I would say we have  love styles. I would not say that his dominating love style is agape. I'm not saying that my boyfriend is not a caring person, we've just been raised differently. There was this one time when we were chilling in his dorm room, about ready to go to bed. I was feeling lazy and was wanting a bottle of water. So I asked my boyfriend if he would do to the basement and buy me one from the vending machine. He told me "no" since I was capable of getting it myself. I responded with puppy eyes "if you loved me, you would get me one." I did not mean offensively at all, but that's how he took it. What I really meant was, "when you love someone, you're willing to do anything for them since they're so special". I think to this day, it still bothers him that I said that. He explained to me later that as a kid when he wanted something, his mom made him get it himself; she didn't "baby" him. Now I understand where he is coming from and I try to be less lazy. So in a way he's made me a better person.