In class, we discussed the types of dances: Pursuer/distancer, underfunctioner/overfunctioner, and submissive/dominate.  The pursuer/distancer is when a couple is experiencing different desires of a relationship. One wants to open up, while the other wants to have some time backing away from the relationship. The second dance is the underfunctioner/overfunctioner. This dance occurs when the couple has a misbalance of responsibility; one person does more than the other. The final dance is submissive/dominant. This dance is prominent when there is a control issue. One tends to take control of everything because he/she thinks the other is incapable of contributing. 

With my relationship with my boyfriend, I would say the dance of underfunctioner/overfunctioner is most prominent. Take cooking for example. There are three scenarios for meals. We either go out for fastfood at like Taco Belle, go to a nice sit down restaurant like Famous Dave’s, or cook ourselves a meal at his house. I find raw meat disgusting to touch. The texture, the feeling & the thought just grosses me out. My boyfriend is aware of this so he always does the cooking of the meat. Every meal he takes charge of that and does not even ask if I want to cook the burgers or the chicken. We also always have sides for dinner such as potatoes, fries, or rolls. My boyfriend always takes charge of that too. He just assumes that he needs to take care of it too. I don’t have a problem with cooking sides or baking desserts, but my boyfriend just takes over, so I never really get a chance to cook. I feel bad because I don’t want him to see me as a lazy person. 

To solve this issue, the underfunctioner (aka me) needs to set myself accountable for cooking. Once in a while I need to face the responsibility of preparing the meat as well as the sides. It needs to be a shared commitment.