In class we discussed the differences between intimacy and sex. We described intimacy as having this special connection. This special connection can be you sharing details with your doctor or someone you trust. Sex on the other hand can be described as physically having intercourse. These definitions change depending on the person; it is self defined.

When I think of sex, I think of those cheesy movies where the girl and the guy fall in love with each. It's like love at first sight. Their first time having sex with each other is in a romantic setting with candles and rose petals. They instantly have this connection and attraction. So in my head, this is how I always thought my first time would be. Okay...to be real, I knew it probably wasn't going to be up to that standards, but I could dream, right!? My freshman year of college, I was crazy about this boy. The moment I saw him, I thought he was super sexy. He had this longish/skater hair, blue eyes, and a beautiful tan. In the back of my mind I wanted to end up him. As I went on other dates with a couple of other guys, I still had that same dude in the back of my head. Long story short I went on a movie date with him the second semester of my freshman year. After the film, he asked if I wanted to hook up. I honestly got the wrong impression of the guy. By asking me that on our first date, I thought he was just using me. After getting to know him a little bit more, it turns out, he just wanted to lose his virginity. I REALLY wanted to be in a relationship, so I agreed to lose it to him (thinking something would come of it). Part of me was also curious about this new exploration. So, I agreed to have sex with him the last week of freshman year. Afterwards, I was honestly heart broken because the following semester I planned on doing an internship in New Jersey. After long debates, though I knew I couldn't get this guy out of my head. I couldn't go another 9 months without seeing if I could make it work with him. So, I declined my internship and went back to Stout for the fall semester.

 After a month into my sophomore year, that same boy asked me to be his girlfriend! We've been dating for 2.5 years now, and I couldn't be happier. Let me just say though that there is a difference between intimacy and love. That first time we had sex was merely just to pleasure ourselves, but now having sex allows us to connect with each other in a whole different way. I trust him, and he trusts me.

After finishing up this semester of Healthy Couple Relationships, it is crazy to think about how pretty much all the topics we discussed can come together and make a full circle. This topic of intimacy can relate to the topic of the five love languages. As stated in a previous post, my love language is a tie between physical touch and receiving gifts. When my boyfriend and I are intimate, specifically sexually, physical touch is important to me. I enjoy lots of strokes of my hair and things of that sort.

This topic of intimacy and physical touch also relate to long distance relationships. As mentioned in a previous post my boyfriend and I are forced to do long distance for the summer being that we live in two different states. Since my love language is physical touch, this is one of the hardest parts of long distance relationships. I miss cuddling in bed and or just a goodbye hug before I go to work. So, it is no surprise that when we discussed in class that physical touch is a challenge of long distance relationships. That comfort of having your partner there is irreplaceable. That explains why whenever I would visit my boyfriend in the summer, the first thing that I would want to do was to just cuddle on the couch and watch television. It is not the most romantic or season appropriate activity being that we could be outside swimming or something. I did not feel guilty of not being outside though because it felt great to be in his presence again. After we felt we had enough intimate time, we then had our fun in the sun. For summer visits we would do things such as go swimming at Wisconsin Dells, go to the driving range to practice golf, go hiking at scenic places, and go on long bike rides.

My boyfriend is not one to just spend money out of the blue. Instead, he will meet my needs of gift giving for my five love languages by splurging on food. So, for example, during the summer when we were seeing each other for the 4^th of July weekend, he got me a grape slushie and a funnel cake. I did not really want him to spend the money on the overpriced food, but he insisted that we can not go to the fair without carnival food. There was also this other time where he went overboard on spending food. We went out for our one year anniversary to a fancy steak restaurant. It is the kind of restaurant where if you do not have a reservation, you will not be getting a seat until two hours later. My boyfriend failed to make a reservation but luckily there was room at their fancy bar area. It meant a lot to me that he bought me a $50 steak for dinner plus dessert.

While words of affirmation is not one of my main  love languages, I still think it is important to me. For Valentine’s Day or our anniversary, I look forward to reading his love notes in cards that he gives me. They are just the sweetest and I love saving them!

Now that this blogging assignment is done, I can say that while it was sometimes difficult at times, I did find it enjoyable. The main aspect that I enjoyed the most was the design aspect. I love to be creative, so I found choosing the layouts and the fonts of the blog template to be super fun. I also enjoy photography, so it was a great excuse to use some of my previous photography work. This blog is also a great way for me to look back at some of my favorite memories. All of my posts involved my boyfriend and our relationship in some way or another. I wanted to stick to that because his and I’s relationship is the deepest in comparison to other relationships like me and my mom.

The majority of my posts discussed our relationship in a general form. I did not go into details of a specific event (with the exception of two or three posts). Instead, I discussed things such as our personalities in general, how I acted when I was younger, etc. I am generally more of a reserved person, so I’m not surprised that many entries did not go into intimate events. As I was reading through my posts, it brought back some moments that I had forgotten about. I remember vividly being at Market Place and saw blue moon ice cream in the frozen food section. I immediately added it to my cart to buy for my boyfriend since it is his favorite ice cream. I remember trying it for the first time with him and thinking it tasted like almonds. He thought I was a little crazy for thinking that. Turns out, after that night, he told me it was not his favorite ice cream any more. This is not the first time that he has done something like that. He told me that one of his favorite movies is The Notebook. After we watched it together he once again changed his mind about it being one of his favorites.

Another post that sparked some memories was the one mentioning that late night water fiasco. I was thirsty one night last year and was too lazy to go down to the vending machine, so I asked my boyfriend if he would be so kind to go downstairs and get me a beverage. I remember him being so mad that I asked him. To me it was no big deal. He was raised though to fetch his own belongings if he wanted something. To this day, he still has yet to forget it. We do not normally fight, but if we do, it is normally stupid like a stupid bottle of water.

Overall, I really enjoyed this project. It was fun to apply class lectures to my every day life and experiences. I think it helped me retain the information better as well. Instead of just merely memorizing the class lectures notes, I was able to connect it to real life examples.

As discussed in class, the definition of infidelity is defined differently by everyone. Infidelity can be flirting, denying being in a relationship, or spending time with specific individuals. My definition of infidelity is flirting and anything that follows after. I have never cheated on my boyfriend nor has he cheated on me. My boyfriend’s dad had an affair so I think that has something to do with his type of character and how he feels about infidelity.

As I mentioned previously, I have not intentionally cheated on my boyfriend, but that’s just my judgement. After almost a year of dating, I started my internship at Bed Bath and Beyond. A guy named Zach asked if I wanted to hang out after work. He knew I had a boyfriend, so I did not think anything was wrong with it. I did think of it from my boyfriend’s point of view. So that night I texted him (since we were long distance for the summer) and asked if it was okay if I went bowling or something with Zach. He responded “do whatever you want babe”. I sensed that he might be a little upset, so I told him “good, because I don’t want anything to ever come between us”. He said he was tired and then went to bed.

The next day I didn’t hear from him until later that night which was unusual for him. He basically told me that the idea of going bowling with just Zach seemed in his eyes as a date. He said that he trusted me but he didn’t trust the guy. Then he said that he didn’t want to control me, so I was free to do whatever, but he just wanted me to know how he felt. Of course I felt bad that I made him feel this way and told him I would respect his wishes.

In class we discussed bids for connections which can be anything from a question, to a gesture, to a look, or to a touch. These bids for a connection can be small things or larger things. My boyfriend and I exhibited all these different types of bids for connections today. It all started this morning when I woke up. Once I was fully awake, I started smoothing out is hair. This touch exhibited “turning towards” with an “I love you” response. My boyfriend then smiled back at me. This look exhibited “turning towards” with a “good morning” response. After that my boyfriend asked how I slept. This question exhibited “turning towards” with  an “I care about you” response. Finally, my boyfriend always keeps a glass of water by his bed. He took a sip and offered me some. This gesture exhibited “turning towards” with another “I care about you” response.

As you can see all of these bids for connections exhibit turning towards. Turning towards is a positive response. The other two responses are turning away turning against. Turning away is when the bid for connection is ignored. Turning against is when there is some kind of attack. I can’t really recall a time that my boyfriend turned against me. There are some times when he has turned away from me though.

My favorite show is Secret Life of The American Teenager. It’s kind of a cheesy show. I’ve seen the series about 3 times. I still like to watch it though during the daytime and while we’re relaxing at night. Though, my boyfriend is definitely getting tired of watching the series. So sometimes when I ask if it’s okay if I turn the show on, he ignores me. Five minutes will go by and I realize I never got an answer, so I’ll ask again. He normally always let’s me watch, no matter how much he hates it.

I heard about the Five Love Languages a couple of years ago. The Five Love Languages are as follows: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Prior to taking the test, I always had a feeling that my love language would either be physical touch, quality time, or receiving gifts. After taking the test, it was practically a tie between physical touch and receiving gifts. In class we discussed that a lot of women feel guilty when saying their love language is receiving gifts. They feel like they’re being materialistic and do not want to admit it. I can definitely see where they are coming from being that I feel a little guilty saying it as well. I know it describes me accurately though. I find it the cutest thing when husbands surprise their wives with a bouquet of flowers when they had a day. I’m a little jealous of those women. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years and he has yet to buy me flowers, not just spontaneously, but for Valentine’s Day as well. It’s hard having receiving gifts as a love language being that my boyfriend is frugal. All I want is to be surprised with a little something , but that’s just not his personality.

My other love language is physical touch. This is also an area where me and my boyfriend’s personalities contradict. I’m always in the mood to cuddle or hold hands. My boyfriend gives me that kind of attention but mostly only at night while we’re winding down for the evening. I wish he would sometimes be that boyfriend that holds my hand or kiss me while we’re in public. I just have to remind myself that he’s just more of a reserved type of guy though.

While the majority of the year my boyfriend and I are perfectly happily dating, during the summer we are forced to do long distance. I am from the Chicago area and he is from the La Crosse area. On a good day, the distance between are houses is around three and a half hours. Not gonna lie, long distance sucks. Luckily, we only have to date long distance for three months out of the year though. A lot of the content discussed in class applies to my past experience.

In class we discussed the number one struggle of long distance relationships to be the “loss of day-to-day intimacy”. I can definitely relate to this struggle. During the summer, I miss flipping through television channels together, going on relaxing drives at night, and playing a game of pocket change poker when I’m bored. Of course there is always loneliness of wanting intimacy. I remember last summer going to bed every night and just craving him to be cuddle next to him. Nothing can replace that feeling of comfort.

Another topic we discussed in class was the stranger effect. This describes my relationship perfectly. After this past winter break, I drove to my boyfriend’s parent’s house. I remember being so excited to see him. When he opened the door, he gave me a kiss and a hug. I honestly did not know what to say after that. We went up stairs to his kitchen and got out all the common questions of “how was your break”, and “what did you do”, out of the way. After about a half hour of that, it finally felt normal and less scripted. As weird as the “stranger effect” is, I actually kind of like it. Obviously not the awkward part, but the butterfly feeling of FINALLY being back together.