As discussed in class, the definition of infidelity is defined differently by everyone. Infidelity can be flirting, denying being in a relationship, or spending time with specific individuals. My definition of infidelity is flirting and anything that follows after. I have never cheated on my boyfriend nor has he cheated on me. My boyfriend’s dad had an affair so I think that has something to do with his type of character and how he feels about infidelity.

As I mentioned previously, I have not intentionally cheated on my boyfriend, but that’s just my judgement. After almost a year of dating, I started my internship at Bed Bath and Beyond. A guy named Zach asked if I wanted to hang out after work. He knew I had a boyfriend, so I did not think anything was wrong with it. I did think of it from my boyfriend’s point of view. So that night I texted him (since we were long distance for the summer) and asked if it was okay if I went bowling or something with Zach. He responded “do whatever you want babe”. I sensed that he might be a little upset, so I told him “good, because I don’t want anything to ever come between us”. He said he was tired and then went to bed.

The next day I didn’t hear from him until later that night which was unusual for him. He basically told me that the idea of going bowling with just Zach seemed in his eyes as a date. He said that he trusted me but he didn’t trust the guy. Then he said that he didn’t want to control me, so I was free to do whatever, but he just wanted me to know how he felt. Of course I felt bad that I made him feel this way and told him I would respect his wishes.

In class we discussed bids for connections which can be anything from a question, to a gesture, to a look, or to a touch. These bids for a connection can be small things or larger things. My boyfriend and I exhibited all these different types of bids for connections today. It all started this morning when I woke up. Once I was fully awake, I started smoothing out is hair. This touch exhibited “turning towards” with an “I love you” response. My boyfriend then smiled back at me. This look exhibited “turning towards” with a “good morning” response. After that my boyfriend asked how I slept. This question exhibited “turning towards” with  an “I care about you” response. Finally, my boyfriend always keeps a glass of water by his bed. He took a sip and offered me some. This gesture exhibited “turning towards” with another “I care about you” response.

As you can see all of these bids for connections exhibit turning towards. Turning towards is a positive response. The other two responses are turning away turning against. Turning away is when the bid for connection is ignored. Turning against is when there is some kind of attack. I can’t really recall a time that my boyfriend turned against me. There are some times when he has turned away from me though.

My favorite show is Secret Life of The American Teenager. It’s kind of a cheesy show. I’ve seen the series about 3 times. I still like to watch it though during the daytime and while we’re relaxing at night. Though, my boyfriend is definitely getting tired of watching the series. So sometimes when I ask if it’s okay if I turn the show on, he ignores me. Five minutes will go by and I realize I never got an answer, so I’ll ask again. He normally always let’s me watch, no matter how much he hates it.

I heard about the Five Love Languages a couple of years ago. The Five Love Languages are as follows: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Prior to taking the test, I always had a feeling that my love language would either be physical touch, quality time, or receiving gifts. After taking the test, it was practically a tie between physical touch and receiving gifts. In class we discussed that a lot of women feel guilty when saying their love language is receiving gifts. They feel like they’re being materialistic and do not want to admit it. I can definitely see where they are coming from being that I feel a little guilty saying it as well. I know it describes me accurately though. I find it the cutest thing when husbands surprise their wives with a bouquet of flowers when they had a day. I’m a little jealous of those women. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years and he has yet to buy me flowers, not just spontaneously, but for Valentine’s Day as well. It’s hard having receiving gifts as a love language being that my boyfriend is frugal. All I want is to be surprised with a little something , but that’s just not his personality.

My other love language is physical touch. This is also an area where me and my boyfriend’s personalities contradict. I’m always in the mood to cuddle or hold hands. My boyfriend gives me that kind of attention but mostly only at night while we’re winding down for the evening. I wish he would sometimes be that boyfriend that holds my hand or kiss me while we’re in public. I just have to remind myself that he’s just more of a reserved type of guy though.

While the majority of the year my boyfriend and I are perfectly happily dating, during the summer we are forced to do long distance. I am from the Chicago area and he is from the La Crosse area. On a good day, the distance between are houses is around three and a half hours. Not gonna lie, long distance sucks. Luckily, we only have to date long distance for three months out of the year though. A lot of the content discussed in class applies to my past experience.

In class we discussed the number one struggle of long distance relationships to be the “loss of day-to-day intimacy”. I can definitely relate to this struggle. During the summer, I miss flipping through television channels together, going on relaxing drives at night, and playing a game of pocket change poker when I’m bored. Of course there is always loneliness of wanting intimacy. I remember last summer going to bed every night and just craving him to be cuddle next to him. Nothing can replace that feeling of comfort.

Another topic we discussed in class was the stranger effect. This describes my relationship perfectly. After this past winter break, I drove to my boyfriend’s parent’s house. I remember being so excited to see him. When he opened the door, he gave me a kiss and a hug. I honestly did not know what to say after that. We went up stairs to his kitchen and got out all the common questions of “how was your break”, and “what did you do”, out of the way. After about a half hour of that, it finally felt normal and less scripted. As weird as the “stranger effect” is, I actually kind of like it. Obviously not the awkward part, but the butterfly feeling of FINALLY being back together.